hey look, I'm posting!

My dogs love the camera. They'll sit perfectly still for so long while I have a camera, whether it be my phone or my large format, they'll be the best behaved dogs you've ever seen! It's just great, what more could a photographer ask for? :)



This is a picture of Dexter with his new found fear in life. Can you see how happy Marley is? Can you see the fear in Dexter's eyes? He is now terrified of slick floors, mainly the kitchen floor and especially the floor at Petco. He won't walk on it, it's kinda sad and a teeny bit funny not gonna lie. Poor Dexter hahaha

autumn leaves

This is my current interpretation of autumn leaves...

roomies!

I have a roommate and her name is Ayisha and she is awesome. I had some leftover frames from my film that I needed to develop, so we took fun pictures :)
The one of me was taken by Ayisha, pretty good huh?
Ya, she's kind of a babe. I like her lots. Yay for roomies!

ironic

Of all the wards in Orem, of all the many church buildings and meeting times and chapels.... Why does my ward have to meet in the same building and at the same time as Jordans?
Seriously?
I mean come on...

video chat

This is Jessy and me video chatting/having a dance party.
It was pretty rad.
I sure loooove my sista!
 

"remember, remember the 5th of november"

I moved into the house this week. I also bought a car. I also got accepted into the BFA program (well, that was actually last week). I also got a hug from Keith Carter :)

I had a frustratingly bad day the other day. Moving in was a little bit harder than I thought it was going to be. I think it was seeing Jordan a lot, it's hard seeing him. But whenever I have a bad day, it's always matched up with a great day and thinking about my great day is what gets me through my bad day. Speaking of which, I had a really great day the other day. I was invited to a private dinner with Keith Carter right before a lecture that he gave (that was fantastic of course). And the following morning was a few hours of Q&A. So amazing. Keith Carter is such a fantastic photographer, I was giddy when he gave me a hug and told me that my freckles were beautiful :)

Here are a few of his amazing images...



I could look at his work all day long. Its so beautiful and so full of emotion.
He also was so inspiring. I wrote down so much of what he said because I didn't want to forget any of it. Here are some things that I found particularly great... Enjoy.

"Accidents in your life can often become main plots."

"Making photographs is kind of like breathing... I'm happiest when I make [them]."

"It's not what you see, it's the significance of what you see in it."

"I think of my pictures as my own autobiography... it's like my own diary in some ways."

"I just always loved doing the work, it's like being alive really."

"For some people, I think it's really helpful for you to belong to a place. It can be a mental place... belong to a place, belong to something, belong to someone... it's gives your work a certain stability."

"I don't forget to play."

"If you take the time to dress well, someone will always notice. If you make a distinctive, honest body of work, someone will pay attention."

"Don't ever think you can't make a difference... It was one young man who discovered the Americas... it was one young 32 year old Thomas Jefferson who said all men are created equal."

time waster

I was going to update my website tonight and what did I do instead? Watch TV. Oh bother... I'm now smacking myself in the head for being dumb.
On another note, I painted my nails while I was wasting time. That was pretty great, they're pink.

happy brick

So, life throws bricks in my face. I'm guessing it gets a pretty good laugh. But this was a happy brick, so I'm okay with it!
To explain...
When all the divorce drama started, the last place in the world that I wanted to be was in our house. So I let Jordan have it. Whatever. I didn't care. Well, long story short, Jordan isn't going to be living there anymore and I don't care about not being there anymore and so guess what? I get the house! Woo! I'm super excited about it. I'll be moving in at the end of the month. And I found out about it last night (that's the brick aspect).

Another happy note, I turned in my BFA (Bachelor of Fine Arts) portfolio today. I went up to Pictureline and got a-ma-zing matt photo paper. I spent a pretty little penny on it, but wow was it worth it! I've never seen such fantastic matt prints. The tonal range was awesome and the colors and blacks so rich. Wow, I was so impressed and I'm officially dedicated to this paper forever and always. My dad also helped me built a wooden case to put the prints in. It looked pretty spectacular. So now I'm just crossing my fingers that I get in the program. I'll let you know!

I also have a photo hanging up in a show at the Orem city center. The exhibit's on 9/11 portraits my class did in Documentary Photography. If you get a sec, you should go see them. Some of them are pretty great :)

Mr. S is doing awesome. We see each other almost every day (which I'm not complaining about). I kinda like him a lot, just sayin'. We did have a conversation about dating other people. I brought it up, kinda lame of me I think. But really, I just got out of a marriage, I don't think I'm ready for steady commitment right now. Even though he's the only guy I want to be with right now. Bleh. Lame. I saw Jordan the other day and it was really weird because I've been spending so much time with Mr. S. I don't write much about him, maybe I'll start writing more.

Well yes, that's life for me right now. I need to get a job, bleh. I don't want to get a job. I want to do weddings for work again, but I need to update everything (name, logo, website, etc...). I decided on the name Missy Jean Photography. That way if I get married again, I don't have to worry about changing it and Missy Jean is pretty memorable. Sooo... time for a logo :P ... anyways, life is dandy. Much love to you!

up late

I accidentally formatted my memory card when I had files on it that I needed... ug... I'm running some data recovery programs on my card in hopes that I can get the files back. I worked so hard on them! I will cry if I can't get them back.
Anyways, it's taking forever. So I'm kind of killing time waiting for it to finish so I can go to bed. So here is just some random stuff about my life lately...

I love young womens. Seriously. Best calling ever. The girls are so amazing, I just love every single one of them. I want to be one of the people that's in young womens forever and never have another calling hahaha

Mr. S is pretty swell. I kinda like him a little bit. We've been hanging out lots :)

School has been nuts and taking over my life and I love it. I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm so in love with my major and my classes. It makes my life insanely awesome.

I sewed a wedding dress in a week and half and it turned out so fantastic. I'm pretty proud of myself actually. First time I've ever sewn a wedding dress. Next step, mens suits. Bam baby.

Between school and Mr. S, I don't sleep much anymore. Kinda sucks. Especially when I have class at 8 am. Like tomorrow. Bleh.

My dogs are wonderful. I love them so very much. I'm so happy I have those little monsters.

...

Still running the program... no files yet.
...

Oh shoot me in the foot. It didn't find it. I'm trying one more card...
...

Tears. No files. Sigh....
Okay, I'm going back to work now. Oh my dear friend sleep, how we see each other so very not often.

shutter drag

Here are some shutter drag shots I took Sunday night. I'm pretty happy about how they turned out.
If you could see me, I have a big smile on my face because life is good :)

my eyes!

So last night I was on a "date/hang out thingy" with Mr. S (I don't really know what it was, I'm still awkward haha)... anyways, we were walking around the Bruin bowl and talking and we sat down on the grass in the field when we hear screaming, the "annoying teenage girl goofing off" type screaming. And so I look over and see 4 guys and 4 girls running around right by us in the field. And as I look closer........... I see a butt.
Streakers! They were running around naked, I wanted to burn my eyes out. And at the same time, I could not stop laughing! How incredibly awkward is that situation? Streakers right in the middle of a fun date/hang out thingy.
Sooo... we left.
Mr. S wanted to hide their clothes... I kinda regret saying no.
Ba ha, hilarious.

shocking

So I woke up Wednesday, ran a lot of errands. Jordan asked me to go to lunch with him so that we could talk about stuff we had to finalize (insurance, etc...) and we both decided this divorce was dragging out forever and I asked him to call the court to see if there was anything at all that we could do to speed up the process. Then I went to class.
When I got out of class and turned on my phone, I had a text from Jordan asking to call him asap.
So I did.
And guess what he told me? That we've been divorced since August 24th and the court neglected to let us know.
Yup, that was a shocker! I mean, I've known this was going to happen and I wanted it to stop dragging on, but I wasn't expecting it until November 2nd and so to hear, "oh and by the way, you've been divorced for over a month" was kind of like being hit in the face with a brick. What am I supposed to feel about something like that? Sad my marriage is over? Happy the divorce is finally over? Relieved? Excited? Depressed? I dunno, but I felt them all at once and it was pretty overwhelming. But, for the record, I'm very glad this is all over. I mean, I'm single! Weird huh? I never thought I'd say that one again. It's exciting, I get to start a whole new life.
Some of you might be wondering, but wait, what happened to the 90 day waiting period? Well, I can't really answer that question because I have no idea. Apparently the Judge got signature happy and we slipped through the cracks. I just can't believe they didn't even let us know! It's pretty hilarious actually, thinking I was married when I wasn't.
Anyways, that's my story and now it's over :)

thoughts

I'm listening to pandora and our wedding song came up. I didn't cry. I didn't hurry and turn it off. I sat there and listened to the words and thought about the memories. They seem so far away and they weren't that long ago. The song makes me sad, but I'm not dying inside like I was before. All I can think about is where I was then and where I am now and how everything has changed so much. It reminds me of this song...

"Riding in the car to work, and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you,
I listened to it for a minute, but then I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger"

I do think I'm much stronger. I'm happy, really happy and I'm moving on. I'm so grateful that I was able to let go of this all, I can't imagine ever trying to heal from a divorce while holding onto so much bitterness.
I find it pretty funny when someone finds out that I'm in the middle of a divorce and they expect me to be a wreck and I'm not. They don't really know how to react to me, it's pretty great :P
Anyways, thank you to those who have been praying for me, it's helped me more than you know.

procrastinating homework

I've been playing a lot with studio lighting on my own time lately. Just so pretty, I can't get enough of it :P


On another note, I taught the dreaded marriage lesson to the Laurels in young womens yesterday. I say dreaded because when I was in young womens, I hated that lesson. I felt like it was the same old sugar coated junk every. single. time. So, I told them in the beginning that I was going to be straight with them and tell them how it is. And I think it went very well. Despite everything that's happened with me and my life, I'm actually very open about it all. It was good being able to be open with them and share my experience. All I can do is hope that the spirit made some sort of impact on them.
Our divorce date is coming up. About 5 weeks left now. I'm really looking forward to it, I'm in awkward limbo land right now and it's making it hard to completely move on.
Well, I'm going to go back to homework!

frustration...

... and this is how I get it all out, I destroy cars with my massive fists of steel!
Rarrrr!
Just kidding ;) he he

marley's tricks

Don't mind my sweats, I like to be comfortable when I'm lounging around the house :P

And it's kind of bad quality.. But anyways, if you lean back and hold up a treat, Marley will run up you to get it, super funny!

PS- Go cougars!

surreal

I want to apply to the UVU BFA of Photography program this semester so I'm working on jazzing up my portfolio. I shot for about 6 hours today and I had a fantastic time with it all. I did some great studio shots and had a blast with my new underwater photography toys. The only regret that I have is that I thought I had set my new camera to RAW but it was set to JPEG.... grr... so the quality is not what I would like it to be. Anyways, there's nothing that I can do about it now. Too bad summer is over, I was a little late getting this new set up hahaha.
This is one of my favorite images. I'm having a hard time deciding between the high key and the low key version. For now, I really like the moody low key version of this shot (I'll probably end up changing it later! :P ). But I think it made the whole experience worth it :)
 

An update on me, I'm still very happy. Even more so when I have a camera in my hands ;) Sometimes this whole experience feels surreal. It's almost as if I can't really remember what it was like to go home to Jordan and being married and happy in that life. I feel like it existed in another time and another place, it just feels distant. Which is odd because it really wasn't that long ago when this all started. I'm just ready to completely move on. It's hard having to wait so long for the divorce to go through because everyday still being tied to Jordan is just another day that I get to keep living in all of this mess.  But who am I to complain, anyone married in New York has to wait a year for a divorce, yuck!
Anyways, happy Sunday everyone.

nothin' much

So. The weekend was a bad one. But this week has been a good one. I'm back to my happy self, hurray hurray :)
......
I don't really have much to write about.
......
Yup. Not much.

I'm going to try to apply to the BFA program this semester which means the next couple weeks will be filled with lots of shooting.
AND I'm going to be doing some awesome water shoots tomorrow, so I'll show you some of those later because they're going to be rad. I hope hahaha.
Anyways, happy Friday ya'll!

"it's a brand new day, I know I'll be okay"

The past few days have been very difficult. I've been overall happy these past few weeks, but these past few days have been killer. All I want to do is stay in bed, listen to sad love songs and cry. It's a blessing I have responsibilities that I have to keep up with otherwise my life would completely fall apart. It's been so hard to see past all the dead ends that just keep popping up in every direction. I just have to remind myself that no matter how dark my life is right now, it's going to get better.

And just as I write this, our wedding song came up on pandora. And it's our wedding anniversary.... sigh....

I just feel like I keep getting beat down and beat down and beat down and I'm struggling to stay standing. But I'll press forward. I'll live life to the best of my ability and pray for the strength to keep living when I feel like I just can't anymore.
A friend in church asked me if I was getting divorced and I told them yes and then they told me that they had been divorced and for the first time I talked to someone who really understood how all of this felt. It was so refreshing. They talked about how the only way I'll get through it is if I rely on the Lord. I've heard that so many times but it was different hearing it from someone who's been down the same path that I'm on right now. Then they said something that was almost word for word from my patriarchal blessing and was also in theirs. It was something that confused me and had been frustrating and had also been confusing to them, but when they explained what it meant to them, it made sense to me. I felt better talking to them and I felt like I was going to be okay. It was a blessing for sure.

As my brother would say, "if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off." I guess I'm glad I'm not falling off the earth right now :)

_____________________________________

Want to see a funny music video that has kind of been my theme song these past couple months? :)
Everything just has to go wrong sometimes ha ha ha.... 

september 11th

For my documentary photography class, we were assigned to take portraits of individuals in the location they were at when they found out about the attack on the twin towers. I was taking a portrait of a friend of mine at Jordan High School because that's where he was at. Afterwards, he showed me the Sandy Healing Fields. I had never been before and it was incredibly moving. They had a flag for every person who was killed on 9/11 and along with the flags, they had a tag with a description of the individual who had died. I got chills looking down the sea of flags and some of the descriptions brought me to tears.
I was lucky enough to be there right as a special ceremony was starting. They had speakers and let off balloons, one for every person who died. And then unveiled a new memorial statue. There were firefighters and police officers from all over the state and hundreds of BACA riders. It really was a touching experience. I think the part that was the most special to me though, was when they brought up Nigel, he was the only fallen soldier that was mentioned.
I, like everyone else, remembers that day so vividly. It's humbling to see so many people who were so closely affected by 9-11 and how strong they are to press forward through it all. My prayers go out to them and all those who lost loved ones. God bless America.

good days and bad days

There are bad days and there are good days. Lately the good days have been outnumbering the bad days and this is a very good thing.

I love Mormon Messages, if you haven't watched them, you should. One that I love in particular is the one I posted below.
Move forward, trust in Heavenly Father's plan, live in hope and love and faith and never forget that the Savior loves you and He died for us so that we could move forward and live for the future. 

birthday flowers

Vanessa sent me some beautiful flowers for my birthday on Friday. I've never gotten flowers in a box in the mail, it was quite the exciting thing!
Thank you Vanessa dear, I love them!