ha!

This made me laugh pretty hard :)

life

Vaguebooking: 1. An intentionally vague Facebook status update, that prompts friends to ask what's going on, or is possibly a cry for help. 2. An intentionally vague Facebook status update, that prompts friends to "Hide" future updates by the perpetrator. 3. Intentional or unintentional vague or ambiguous facebook status message, which people have no clue as to what the heck you are talking about. Also included is posting fragmented song lyrics without stating the artist.

Well kids, I'm not vaguebooking right now... but I am about to vagueblog you.

One thing that I really like about dating Guy is that he has the ability to bring to light things about myself or my life that I didn't (or wouldn't) see before. There have been some very enlightening experiences with him. One of which was last night. It was very difficult to hear what he was saying because I knew it was truth and I didn't want to accept it. So I'm going to go to the temple and pray and pray and pray about what my next step should be in life... one thing that my dad would tell me when I was younger (but I didn't quite understand until just these last few years) is that it's easy to be obedient, what's difficult is knowing what the Lord wants you to do. Because golly...
...I have no idea what to do.
But, I'll let you know once I figure it out ;)

On a happier note, enjoy this amazing photo by Dan Mountford. I adore it.

mirror lake

Guy and I went to mirror lake this past week. It was great times as usual, this kid is pretty fun. And hey look! I have pictures :)
The last one of us is cheese balls for sure, but I couldn't resist, I love it.

one year

I'm sitting here eating a spoon full of nutella, listening to country music and trying to figure out how I can best write this post.
...

I just got another spoon full of nutella, there's no shame.
...

This post is important to me. I'm not the best writer and unfortunately, I can't just take a picture of how I feel so I get to practice my words. I'm crossing my fingers something decent comes out.
...

I find the Paralympics incredibly inspiring. These are people who don't pity themselves for their circumstances, they take what they have and make the best of it. Honestly, I admire Paralympians much more than Olympians, they have so much more to overcome.
Do any of you know who Elexis Gillette is? He's a Paralympic medalist and world record holder in the long jump. I found him particularly inspiring because he's completely blind. While I was reading about him, I tried to imagine what it would be like to long jump and not be able to see a thing. Every time I've experienced just being blind folded, I can barely walk at a normal pace let alone trust myself to long jump 22 feet (Elexis' world record).

"There are times when we have to step into the darkness in faith, confident that God will place solid ground beneath our feet once we do." -Pres. Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Elexis doesn't just step into the darkness in faith, he jumps... and he jumps far.

This past year has been a roller coaster of emotions and experiences that I have never had before. And the whole purpose of this post is to address one of those experiences that has changed everything for me. Yesterday was a big day for that because I have now been officially divorced for a year. This past year has witnessed the darkest and loneliest days that I have ever had... but it has also witnessed the most tender and beautiful moments. This past year has witnessed me lose my husband and other half, it has witnessed me lose and regain my self esteem, strengthen my testimony in the Lord and his Gospel and cry more tears than I knew existed. It has witnessed real smiles, fake smiles and sad smiles. It has witnessed so many tender mercies that were just what I needed to get through each day. It has witnessed love and compassion from caring friends and family. And most of all, this past year has witnessed me learn what it's like to trust that even though I was completely surrounded by darkness inside and out, the Lord would take care of me and I would step on solid ground.

I wish I could type out everything that I've learned and who I've become since the day that I found out Jordan didn't want to be married anymore. I still don't fully understand why I had that experience, but I do know that I wouldn't be nearly as strong as I am today without it and for that, I am grateful. I am grateful for the Gospel and the Atonement, I would never have survived with the same degree of healing that I've had without both. And I'm grateful to all the people who were angels to me in times of need. I have had so many experiences... Julie Kaye calling me up to give me a free haircut. My old religion professor writing me profound and encouraging emails. Honorable men in my life who are dear friends reminding me that there are still worthy priesthood holders who are good and decent. Shauna; my dear, sweet, tender hearted sister for being able to listen to me tell her about my divorce with no emotion just like I had asked her because it was exactly what I needed. Julianne being the one person who I felt I could talk to because she understood how I felt and she always said the right things. Ron for always being my second father and a solid foundation. Cameron, Jason, Ashley and Kaden, they will always be my siblings, their love to me is astounding and still touches my heart. Clark for all the personal and vulnerable talks and being an example of optimism and faith. Mike for being the friend I needed in the midst of my divorce. The funny, old man at the gas station for telling me that I deserved a good husband who would fill up my car for me. Whitney for her kind letter and flowers. Jake for talking to me and expressing his love and support because he had just been through the same. And my family for taking my dogs and me into their home. I will never forget the day I moved back to my parents, I collapsed on the floor in sobbing tears and was immediately held in a loving embrace by my mom, my brother and my sister. They have loved me through it all and I could never ask for a better family. These are just a few of the people that have touched my heart, thank you to all that I did not mention and thank you to all who have prayed for me and thought of me in this past year.

My steps were small and were by no means close to being jumps, but I can still bear testimony that the Lord placed beneath me solid ground. And despite that I am still finding healing, my heart and spirit are strong and I am a better person for what I have experienced. Even though this past year has witnessed incredible pain and heartache, it has also seen peace and happiness. Some of my happiest moments have come from serving other people and I am determined to make this next year a year of more peace and more happiness than I have ever experienced.

"To find real happiness, we must seek for it in a focus outside ourselves. No one has learned the meaning of living until he has surrendered his ego to the service of his fellowmen. Service to others is akin to duty, the fulfillment of which brings true joy." -Pres. Thomas S. Monson

want to hear a funny story?

Once upon a time there was a girl who grew up having her father as her Bishop for all of her teenage years. They even joked about how he would be called as her bishop when she went to a singles ward. That girl later grew up and moved to a singles ward where her dad was not the bishop and was called to be the Relief Society President.
One week later, the girl's dad was called as the new Bishop.
The old Bishop had no idea about her dad being called the next week.

Ironic? Definitely.

earrings

I'm super allergic to metal.
It got to the point that about 5 minutes after I put in my earrings, my ears would start to bleed... that's bad news right thur.
So I stopped wearing earrings and my right ear sealed up.
But a couple months ago, Clark gave me an amazing idea! Paint my earrings with nail polish so I can wear them again. Brilliant! Why didn't I think of that? My mom would do it for the metal buttons on my  jeans when I was young and it worked wonderfully. I'm going to have a nail polish party and paint all of my earrings. Now all I have to do is re-pierce my right ear. Why is that so scary? Eesh. Who wants to come hold my hand?

guy returns

Yes, that is correct. I am once again dating Guy. I was really holding back on him because of fear... I have a lot of it. But it all changed when I was sitting with two girls from my ward and we were talking about dating. I started giving one of the girls advice about how dating requires a lot of faith and you shouldn't approach commitment with fear because if we trust in the Lord, hearts can be mended and it will all work out. Even as I was speaking those words, I knew that I wasn't following my own advice. Commitment terrifies me... with good reason. I kinda had a bad experience. But I don't think I will ever fully move on until I start putting myself out there and trust that the Lord will take care of me.
That brings me to where I am now, dating Guy. It's the first time I've been in a relationship like this since Jordan. It's kind of weird, but fun. I'll keep you updated.

behind

I've been so busy lately that I'm really behind on posting! So I'm putting this up to let you know that I haven't forgotten about you (*cough*Vanessa and Shauna*cough*).

For the time being, enjoy this image of Ventura, California that I shot last week.