changes

There have been some changes going on in my life lately and I could use some help with them...

Firstly. I have decided that once I graduate in two semesters (if not sooner) I'm going to sell the house. This has been a very difficult decision because, well, I'm going to have to find a new home for my dogs. As a lot of you know, my dogs are kids to me. I love them more than most things in this life. I've been praying about this decision a lot and it's something that I've been deliberately avoiding because I don't like the solution... but once I graduate, I'm going to be mobile and who knows where I'll end up? Most likely a place outside of Utah that won't allow dogs, let alone the lack of time I'll have. Also, this summer has just been a taste of how busy I'm going to be this school year and I'm already never home. It's been so unfair to just leave the dogs at home all day by themselves not getting the attention or exercise they need and deserve. It's only going to get worse once school starts and as much as I want to keep them, it's selfish of me because they deserve better.

Where am I going with this?

If you know of anyone who is loving, great with dogs and looking for dogs. Send them my way.

Second. Some of you may know my feelings towards Relief Society and how they're not usually pleasant... well, I've been praying to love R.S. lately and I guess the Lord took that to the max because I was just set apart as Relief Society President. (Ha! oh the irony...) I've come to love R.S. over the past few weeks though, so I guess it worked :) I have no idea how to be a R.S president... oh boy. So any prayers you want to send this way, I will not complain.

Enjoy this wonderful song by Ray LaMontagne. It's glorious. I suggest you listen :)

it's a good day

Do you ever have those days where your heart is so full of gratitude towards the Lord and everything that He's given you that you can barely breathe?
Today is one of those days.
It is definitely a good day.

music

I usually have a favorite song of the day. Today, I have a favorite band of the day and that band is Spoon.

dating

Guys! I had a kind of boyfriend for 4 whole days! Haha this is a big step for me :P
Ya, Guy and I broke it off last night. He felt like we needed to be friends right now. All I can do is respect his decision and be happy we're still friends. I mean, I'm sad of course, he is a really great guy.... but I guess it doesn't always work.
Anyways.... that's all for today :)

being open

Something that I've always hated about blogs is how so many people will only post the good things about their life. I always find myself painting a false image of a perfect lifestyle that these people must be living (which obviously isn't true). It was actually really hard while I was married, I kept reading these blogs about couples amazing marriages and wondered, what's wrong with me? Why is my life not this great? I kept forgetting to remind myself that blogs are edited journals, not reality. And because of this disdain towards false perfection, I'm going to continue and try to be more open on my blog. Not complaining, but making sure that all aspects of my life are represented.

To start out, let me just say that I hate being divorced.
Sometimes I feel like it's a black mark on my record or a decayed part of my life that will always be attached to me. And I hate the loss that comes from divorce. Not only did I lose my other half, but I lost an entire family. Every time I see photos from Jordan's family activities it breaks my heart.... they were my family and now they're not (how does that even work?). I'm an awkward appendage that doesn't belong anymore. No matter how much I love them and will always love them, I will never be a component of their family unit, I will always be an outsider.
Divorce is no quick fix. And it bothers me when people take it so lightly. It's almost been a year and even though I'm doing very well, there are still hard days and there is still pain.

Onto a lighter topic, there's kind of a new guy that I've been seeing. We'll call him Guy. We have a lot of things in common and it's been fun hanging out with him. I thought I was ready for a relationship and to date (it's been almost a year right?) but goodness, I still have some issues going on or somethin' because the whole commitment thing? Ya, not happening haha... so we're just hanging out and casually dating, it's been perfect for me. We'll see how it goes.

What else... oh yes! I'm an employee for Gold's Gym. And no, I'm not a jerk salesman. I reupholster their exercise equipement. Rockin' awesome right? I think so. I basically put in head phones, sew and staple stuff all day. Who could say no to that? It's nice to have a job finally, especially one that's so chill.

I feel like I should add a picture to make this post more exciting. sooo.... enjoy a picture from Europe.

picture post

A post with pictures? What? I know, it's exciting :) (they're only instagram photos, super easy though)

Picture explanations.
I really have been liking skies... totally cliche for instagram, but I like it anyways.

Remember the other day when it was pouring rain? Well, I was out on a bike ride with the dogs and a friend (Annalee). It started down pouring right in the middle of our ride. We were so wet by the time we got home, we might as well have jumped into a swimming pool and it wouldn't have made a difference. So we just stayed outside and played in the rain. It was so so much fun. And it was absolutely beautiful. Totally worth taking the moment.

Tonight I doubled with Shauna, Darson and my good friend Jarom from high school. We went to the rooftop concert series and it was super fun. Jarom is an illustration major and so we played art games. We gave each other words and he drew them and I photographed them. How I love being friends with art majors :)