being open

Something that I've always hated about blogs is how so many people will only post the good things about their life. I always find myself painting a false image of a perfect lifestyle that these people must be living (which obviously isn't true). It was actually really hard while I was married, I kept reading these blogs about couples amazing marriages and wondered, what's wrong with me? Why is my life not this great? I kept forgetting to remind myself that blogs are edited journals, not reality. And because of this disdain towards false perfection, I'm going to continue and try to be more open on my blog. Not complaining, but making sure that all aspects of my life are represented.

To start out, let me just say that I hate being divorced.
Sometimes I feel like it's a black mark on my record or a decayed part of my life that will always be attached to me. And I hate the loss that comes from divorce. Not only did I lose my other half, but I lost an entire family. Every time I see photos from Jordan's family activities it breaks my heart.... they were my family and now they're not (how does that even work?). I'm an awkward appendage that doesn't belong anymore. No matter how much I love them and will always love them, I will never be a component of their family unit, I will always be an outsider.
Divorce is no quick fix. And it bothers me when people take it so lightly. It's almost been a year and even though I'm doing very well, there are still hard days and there is still pain.

Onto a lighter topic, there's kind of a new guy that I've been seeing. We'll call him Guy. We have a lot of things in common and it's been fun hanging out with him. I thought I was ready for a relationship and to date (it's been almost a year right?) but goodness, I still have some issues going on or somethin' because the whole commitment thing? Ya, not happening haha... so we're just hanging out and casually dating, it's been perfect for me. We'll see how it goes.

What else... oh yes! I'm an employee for Gold's Gym. And no, I'm not a jerk salesman. I reupholster their exercise equipement. Rockin' awesome right? I think so. I basically put in head phones, sew and staple stuff all day. Who could say no to that? It's nice to have a job finally, especially one that's so chill.

I feel like I should add a picture to make this post more exciting. sooo.... enjoy a picture from Europe.