May 19, 2014

Remember how earthquakes terrify me? I woke up to an earthquake in the middle of the night. Can I just tell you how much I DON'T like waking up to my bed shaking and feeling like I'm going to die in cement rubble? hahaha I know my fear of earthquakes is irrational, but for being afraid of them and having gone from never experienced them to having had 7 now is not helping!

On another topic, I love being with Sis. White. She's such a wonderful companion :) Y'all just needed to know that :)

From when we skyped last week, I forgot to mention a funny story in my email ....
Sis. White has two sisters who are preggers, so she was trying to tell them how to say "I am pregnant" in Albanian.... the connection wasn't that great, so it ended up being her practically yelling over and over and over again.... "I AM PREGNANT!".... in a crowded internet cafe.
Hahahaha, oh man.... soooo funny hahaha She definitely got looks.

We had an activity this last week with 2nd and 4th ward about member missionary work. Us missionaries put it on. We made a list of ways that members can do their own missionary work and then we did skits of what to and what not to do as far as sharing the gospel goes. We had volunteers help which made the skits pretty impromptu and very funny. I would say it was a success :) I think my favorite skit was with the RS Pres from my ward. We told her to be ashamed of the missionaries that were teaching her a lesson once one of her friends came over for a visit. It started out with her sitting at a table with the missionaries singing before a lesson... she gets a knock on the door.... it's her close friend... so she runs and hides the missionaries behind the curtains and opens the door and tells her that she's alone and no, singing? What singing? There was no singing.... hahaha, oh man, it was sooo funny :) 

As far as a spiritual thought this week, I thought I would share an experience that I had.
This last week was a wonderful and awful one all at the same time. I thought I would just be totally open about it to all of you because you never know when someone else is struggling with the same exact thing.
My whole life I've never really had doubts about the church. I've always just known it to be true. I guess you could consider that a blessing. I sure never complained about it :)
So I find it ironic that when I'm living the most righteously in my entire life, is when I'm struggling with the most doubts that I have ever experienced. This last week was especially hard. I don't know what it was... but I feel like the adversary was hitting me at every possible angle that he possibly could. I was feeling attacked, depressed, anxious, all that horrible stuff ... missionary work was the LAST thing I wanted to do. I've never wanted to go home so bad as I did this last week. It all kind of escalated on Saturday. Despite all efforts, I couldn't feel the spirit, I couldn't focus, I absolutely did not want to go out and teach... It was awful! and I was so confused because I wasn't being disobedient, my studies weren't slacking and my prayers weren't either... so why? Why was I feeling the way I was? Why was I doubting my faith like I never had before? In that moment I made a decision that I think will bless me for the rest of my life.... I made the choice that even though everything seemed absolutely insane and crazy and illogical and unreasonable... I was going to believe. I was going to choose to believe. And so I put on a skirt and we went out to teach. I still didn't want to, but I did it anyways.
We went to teach our recent convert sisters who are amazing. We were teaching about missionary work. I was so scared about having to bear testimony, because I wasn't feeling ANYTHING... but during the lesson, their cousins walked in the room and our recent converts looked at us and said, "oh, we've been teaching them about the gospel and they want to get baptized... that's missionary work right?" hahahaha, yes, yes that is you angels hahaha
In that moment, I looked at their cousins and I saw how much God loved them, how much potential they had and how much the gospel was going to bless their lives. In that moment, that mist of darkness that I had been practically swimming in lifted. My faith returned. The doubts left. And what remained was a deep and comforting peace that I know only comes from the Savior.
During those moments I kept thinking to myself, what is wrong with me?! Why am I feeling this doubt? I'm supposed to have faith and not fear! But I don't think there was anything wrong with me... I think sometimes the "mists of darkness" are thick and we really can't see anything at all. It's those moments when we have to practice our agency and decide what we're going to believe in. It's those moments that decide who we are.... are we going to run from our faith and abandon God because it seems easier? Or are going to hold fast to the iron rod and hope that the mist parts soon so that the light of the gospel can warm our hearts and bring us that peace. We will not receive a witness until after the trial of our faith... trials aren't supposed to be easy. And doubt can be very tempting. And "Satan don't kick no dead dog." We have to decide now what we're going to believe in. And sometimes, even though it doesn't make sense, we have to just choose to trust in God.... but I can promise you, that it will always, ALWAYS pay off in the end. That witness will come. God has promised it to us and I can promise you that if we hold on and keep pressing forward, feasting on the word of God, we WILL have that witness. 

Trust in God, He loves you and is looking out for you.

Motra Missy


We didn't have gloves to scrub our shower so we improvised.

The pyramid in Tirana. I don't know what it was originally... I just know not to go there at night haha

Also, old men play chess and dominoes ev-e-ry where. It's kind of adorable and very funny... here's a picture of a few...

Had a fabulous pday with the sisters from my MTC group, love them!

We went to the artificial lake for pday today... I was hesitant. Anything outdoors with artificial in it's name sounds very unappealing... but it was actually so beautiful and my favorite pday out in tirana yet!

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