"ruin is a gift. ruin is the road to transformation."

I don't know what the deal has been, but these past few days have been, well... my own personal hell. All the heartache I felt during my divorce is coming right back to laugh in my face. It's been frustrating, I thought I was making great progress. But for some reason, I got trapped back in that whirlpool of heartache and despair. And I haven't felt any hope, there has been no light at the end of the tunnel. Until this morning when I was reading my scriptures at work and came across the scripture Alma 32:27 "...even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe..."And oh how I desired to believe that I could be happy again and be truly free from the pain of my divorce.
I felt peace after that. I'm still not 100% okay, but my heart is at peace and that peace is bringing belief that I will find complete healing.

I've been reading the book Eat, Pray, Love lately. It's great so far, I can't believe I've never read it. I feel it's a fitting time in my life to read it considering it's about a woman trying to find wholeness and happiness after a divorce. There's a quote that I especially liked from the book:

"...and when you sense a faint potentiality for happiness after such dark times you must grab onto the ankels of that happiness and not let go until it drags you face-first out of the dirt-this is not selfishness, but obligation. You were given life; it is your duty to find something beautiful within life no matter how slight."

So that is exactly what I'm doing right now. I'm putting myself through emotional surgery and cutting out everything that is affecting my happiness, I'm focusing on my own personal healing and I'm grabbing the ankles of any glimmer of hope I have and not letting go.
But I know that no matter what I do, only the Lord can bring true healing.
Oh what a blessing the Atonement is.

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