"forgiveness is not always instantaneous"

I had a really, really good therapy session yesterday. We talked about how feelings of depression and frustration tend to come from "living in the past". And feelings of anxiety tend to come from "living in the future". It's when we're living in the present that peace can be found. So we talked about ways to bring myself to the present to calm myself down. She brought up how using my five senses can bring me back to the present along with any other technique that might calm me down. I tried it today and it actually worked very well. I was starting to feel a lot of anxiety and I stopped, closed my eyes, focused on my breathing and listening to any audible sound I could hear, and ran my hands along the fabric of my seat to really feel the texture. It was amazing. When I'm feeling anxiety or depression, I'm so caught up in my head that I almost shut off all my senses. I'm not present, I'm not existing in my body at that moment. So I used that technique to bring myself back... it was so wonderful. It helped me control my anxiety better than I've ever been able to. I'm very excited to use that trick in the future.

Right now I'm working on a "personal project". I was sitting in church a couple weeks ago thinking about why I was feeling so unlike myself. I started thinking about all the people that have hurt or offended me that I've held grudges against. And it hit me that even though some of these things were so insignificant, I was holding onto them and it was placing such a heavy burden on my heart. I could almost feel the bitterness weighing down on me and keeping me from being truly happy. I never thought I was one to hold a grudge but when I took a real, honest look at myself and at the people that bothered me and why they bothered me... I saw that I was holding onto things that I didn't even consciously think about. Stupid things, like the girl in relief society that wasn't nice to me when I first met her and bigger things, like Jordan and all of his issues with me. It definitely was an enlightening experience. So my "personal project" is to let go (really let go) and forgive all the things that I've held onto.

"Sometimes we carry unhappy feelings about past hurts too long. We spend too much energy dwelling on things that have passed and cannot be changed. We struggle to close the door and let go of the hurt. If, after time, we can forgive whatever may have caused the hurt, we will tap 'into a life-giving source of comfort' through the Atonement, and the 'sweet peace' of forgiveness will be ours ("My Journey to Forgiving," Ensign, Feb. 1997. 43). Some injuries are so hurtful and deep that healing comes only with help from a higher power and hope for perfect justice and restitution in the next life. . . . You can tap into that higher power and receive precious comfort and sweet peace."

James E. Faust, "Instruments in the Hands of God," Ensign, Nov. 2005, 115