the need for love

I think it's amazing how important it is for people to feel loved. I've heard it argued that the motive for every decision we make can be rooted back to the desire to feel loved or having a sense of approval/acceptance (which is kind of the same idea). It makes sense... I pick out a cute outfit to be noticed and feel loved, a teenager rebels to get attention to feel loved, etc...
I've been noticing this a lot in myself lately. Sometimes I feel like my life is like walking on a tight rope (or for modern day purposes, slack lining :P) ... I'm constantly fighting to stay in balance, the slightest gust of wind can throw me off. And it all revolves around the need to feel accepted and loved. I fear my self esteem is more fragile than I would like it to be. The stupidest, little things can set me off into a mood of complete yuckiness. I would so love to be "more stable", not this constant roller coaster of emotion where even unintended things make me question my value. I just keep going back to how Jordan left me. It's sticking with me more than I would like.
So my next life project is to love myself. And I'm going to start off this project by doing my best to love others.

“If we are not careful, we can be injured by the frostbite of frustration; we can be frozen in place by the chill of unmet expectations. To avoid this we must—just as we would with arctic coldness—keep moving, keep serving, and keep reaching out so that our own immobility does not become our chief danger.”


A talk I just finished reading and enjoyed, Love Is Life by Barbara Smith, I'd suggest it if you have a minute :)